Ulysses

I can’t remember exactly when I started watching Kino, the 15 year old little sister of my homeboy Eddie. Actually, as far back as I can remember, Kino and I were bitter enemies. Fifteen and twenty-three, yet equals in intellect, and always willing to test each other’s wits. Sometimes it ended with broken teeth, broken furniture, or worst of all, a broken ego. Most of the time it ended in screaming matches. So you can imagine my surprise when one day her senseless yelling produced love and rage inside me, simultaneously. It was as if I myself couldn’t even believe it, and so I began watching her as a sort denial of my feelings. I would catch myself over and over, eyeing her, my eyes darting here and there as soon as I realized, but eventually returning back to Kino.

All of this might have been alright except that she was an expert at reading people. Despite my perfect composure she somehow sensed this change, this new weakness in me, and was determined to exploit it. You would think she was innocent by the way she looked. But it turns out that underneath that school girl uniform lay a viscous tease. In her shameless tormenting, she would brush up against me with her skirt, as though it were an accident. She spilled soup on my lap just so she could pat it down with a napkin. Nobody could shatter my composure like Kino. In every situation she knew exactly what it took for me to lose my cool, and did it without hesitation, or even a second thought. She was on to me, this 15 year old with sex appeal way beyond her years, and if she caught me looking at her, there was no telling what she would do. But maybe it wasn’t her that bothered me so much as what I would do to her, if she kept on. What I did to her, so many times, over and over in my head. When she was around I could feel my self control slowly draining. I knew it was just a matter of time before I lost it altogether. This terrified me more than anything.

And so now I sit, in Eddie’s living room, watching TV alone with Kino only a few feet away, stealing glances at her every now and then out of the corner of my eye. She is slumped upside down on the couch, her gorgeous hair spilling all over the carpet. Eddie is nowhere in sight, and it is pouring rain outside. Suddenly the electricity flickers and then goes out altogether. There is silence for a moment. Then her voice,

“Ulysses..?”

“Mm,” I hear myself answer her. Meanwhile I can feel it slipping away. I try to hold it down but I can’t. I watch myself get up and stand over Kino on the couch. I tower over her, and a flash of lightning from outside reveals her curious expression.

“Ulysses?” She repeats innocently. I stare down at her, not moving. “…I’m scared.” Her voice trails off.

“..of the dark..?”

“No. Of you.”